CLM Hen House

Butterfly · Joined: 14 Mar 2026 Posts: 2 Location: Georgia

Please be in prayer for me and my husband. Our 17 year old daughter had a baby (byracial) 8 months ago. She is still going to school, and I am helping care for my grandson. I work 3 days a week as my church's secretary. And I provide the child care for my grandson. I am proud of my daughter for trying to finish school ( she will graduate in May). It has been very difficult. Sometimes I think she is going to be a good mother, other times I think she just isn't ready. Of course they still live at home with us. There is no "father" to help with the cost of raising the child. My daughter works in the evenings ( while I keep my grandson) to help support him. She seems to stay angry with us. We have done so much to help and support her and she continues to hurt us. She just doesn't seem to appreciate anything we have done for her. I guess I am just so hurt by her actions. I love my daughter and my grandson with al my heart. I am praying that she finds her way back to God. She seems to have curved off the path. I know God has his hand on her life. Though she may stray - she will return. Very Happy

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Terri
For I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14

Doreen · Joined: 30 Mar 2026 Posts: 96 Location: maryland

I will be praying for you . Have you got her any counseling ? My parents were foster parents at Bethany Christian services. This serves main thing is working with unwed moms. They can get help not just with adoptions but with help with what they are going thru. I have seen a few of the girls keep there child and get some real help they needed to become wonderful moms. One of those girls was one I taught sunday school when she was in kindergarden. Really caught me by surprise since I was holding a baby and she was they were born around the same time frame. I also had a few girl a college that went for help and the family worked together thru some really hurt feelings. Your daugher might be feeling some real hurt since the dad is not in the picture. I sure hope this helps .
God bless
Doreen

Ordered4Him · Joined: 13 Mar 2026 Posts: 26 Location: PA

Oh, Butterfly, many prayers in this, a very difficult situation. It strikes me as a situation which will be very difficult for a long time.

From a legal perspective your daughter is entitled to support from the father. I know that this is sometimes difficult, especially when the relationship has ended, however your grandson will need this man in his life for a long time. If his father is never in his life, your grandson will long to know him and why he abandoned him. It is a huge issue with missing parents and even more so when there are racial or ethnic differences.

The bi-racial factor will be something your daughter will need to address by providing suitable role models and exposure to the different culture/customs of the baby's heritage. As a mom of multi-racial children who are now raising another generation of more racially mixed children I witness my grandchildren wanting to deal with the racial differences all the time. There is not one visit we do not discuss it in some way, but to them it is just normal conversation because it's their everyday existance. To the parents and grandparents it is part of rearing well adjusted kids who know they are worthy in our eyes and God's.

Having been there, I would gently point out that your daughter's rebellion preceeds the birth of your grandson, therefore, she has not appreciated anything you've done for her for a very long time. That you are helping so much now makes you feel she "should", but the underlying issues of why she has rebelled are still in her heart. The baby has just allowed those feelings to be pushed aside as you all deal with the day-to-day. I think that your daughter, you and DH need to deal with why your daughter stepped out from under her father's headship before you can really make progress. Her current behavior is only the symptom of the real continuing problem.

I commend you for helping her so much, but ready or not she is the baby's mother. You can support her in parenting your grandson, but you cannot assume a parenting role without stepping on hers. If you are doing so much childcare while she is going to school fulltime and working evenings then you are becoming the baby's mother. He spends far more time with you than his mom. Maybe we can see how the burden on her time is extrememly frustrating. She's trying to get ahead, but getting farther from the stated goal of raising her child. You and your husband are providing real, valuable support, but that doesn't make it palatable. It might be an area where you all consider different choices, at least for part of the time.

The biggest advice I'm going to give you is also the hardest. You must train yourself to live above the emotion. Yes, she's hurt you terribly and more than likely this situation will continue to hurt you terribly for a long long time, but if we live on emotion we are ineffective in all areas of our lives. Just think what it would be like if God lived on emotion. We could not approach Him because we would never know how he would react. Would he whine about our actions or shout His displeasure? Would He be so hurt that He couldn't look at us or say a word? Surely He is our example, for however displeased He is with us, He allows us to approach Him. He disciplines and trains us justly. See if you can keep your anger and tears in private and your overwhelming love for her public. It's hard, but it can make such a difference.

HTH, feel free to pm me if you need to chat or cry on another shoulder. My older daughters are through the immediacy of circumstances you are in, but the consequences affect our lives and theirs daily.

HavaheartfilledwithJoy · Joined: 14 Mar 2026 Posts: 23 Location: Alabama

I want you to know that you are a wonderful person to help your daughter and grandson so much. And I know she may seem angry now towards you but I really don't think it's towards you. Lots of people have trouble dealing with anger and instead of handling it well they tend to have an attitude with everyone. Her anger could be inside and vented toward you. We will pray she deals with the anger.
I will pray for you and this situation. I know God will bless you for all that your doing and your right, God does have his hand upon your daughter, but remember he does things in his own time. So do not get discouraged if he doesn't answer right away. It's in the works.

SpiritFed · Joined: 23 Jun 2025 Posts: 3 Location: chicago

I was a teen a mom and went through rebellion syndromes at home as well. The key factor was that my family was not in church. This is where the story may differ. The turn around came when I was accepted into a church that was so open armed and loving with many members my age. I could relate to the spiritual aspect because the music and the ministers were still young enough to understand my generation...Keep praying for the right people to approach your daughter... She will come back to you!
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I'm Still Here!

daredheaded1 · Joined: 15 May 2025 Posts: 131 Location: PA

Hi Butterfly,

I was just wondering how things are going? Did your daughter graduate in May? What are her plans now?

I'd just like to know how to pray at this time.

In Christ,
Stacey
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"When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost."

Ordered4Him · Joined: 13 Mar 2026 Posts: 26 Location: PA

Still praying for all involved. God can make good from our trials.