CLM Hen House

champion1 · Joined: 13 Mar 2026 Posts: 9

My friend has 2 children, stay home mom and had her husband leave the house after finding out that her husband had an affair. Her husband is sorry and does not want to break up the family. They both have attended church for years. Any suggestions to convince her to give him another chance. I have been telling her daily that God does not bless divorse. thanks for your help.

Tess · Joined: 09 Apr 2026 Posts: 32

Wow, that is really tough. My husband, a pastor, has a doctorate in pastoral community counseling and meets with many couples who have gone through pretty difficult situations, some who are Christian who have been through this same type of thing. Can they meet together with their pastor or a Christian counselor, or a mature Christian couple? Personally, I think that is a good place to start. Forgiveness will take a long time in a situation like that. Plus, gaining trust again is going to be very difficult. God does hate divorce, but He also does not like when people are unfaithful in their marriages. Provide a listening ear for your friend, and be there for her. If her husband is truly repentant, then things can work out, but that will take a very long time. It is easy for us to say, "Don't get divorced. Forgive him and let him back in." However, if I were in her shoes, I know that I would be feeling extremely hurt and betrayed. It would take a long time to get back to any sense of normalcy. I'll be praying for her and her family. Tess

outnumbered · Joined: 16 Mar 2026 Posts: 56

My heart goes out to you and your friend. My best friend of many years found out her husband had a pattern of unfaithfulness for over 15 years. I remember her saying there was one bit of advice that struck a cord like none other. A woman told her "We teach our children God can do anything and God is so powerful, yet when Christian parents divorce we are telling our children 'God is so powerful except when it comes to your Father and me' ". She will never forget that. I will be praying for your friend, the scars go deep, she needs you deeply!

daredheaded1 · Joined: 15 May 2025 Posts: 131 Location: PA

I will be praying for your friend. I had a dear friend have a similar experience. About five years ago she found out her husband had an affair with a lady in her church. What she says that she needed most right after she found out was time & space away from him, and a good friend with a listening ear & shoulder to cry on. My advice (for what it's worth) is to not push her in any direction. She needs time to come to terms with what has happened. I remember when my friend first found out, she told me that it was like a death. She felt like she was grieving a great loss. She went through all the emotions...denial, anger, sorrow, acceptance...

After a few months, she and her husband began counseling with a good Christian counselor. Maybe that's something you could help with while she's going through this...you could start searching for a really good counselor. Sometimes pastors are good at it & sometimes they are not. In her case, she needed someone other than her pastor and went to a wonderful Christian Counseling office. If you find one that you think would be a good fit for her, just save the number for when she is ready.

After about six months of counseling, he moved back in to their home. Forgiveness came much sooner than trust. That did come, but only after about 2 years of counseling.

Unfortunately, last year he cheated on her again. I would have never guessed that he would do that! He seemed truly sorry the first time. The one thing I was thankful for was that I didn't push her to take him back the first time. It had to be her choice.

I'll be praying for you that God will give you the right words to say. Every situation is different as is every person, so only God knows what will help.
_________________
"When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost."

MertVnWV · Joined: 21 Mar 2026 Posts: 201 Location: Southern WV

daredheaded1,
Just curious Question

Did she stay with him after he did it the second time?
Don't think I could go thru that a second time. I am a person of
a chance for change after the first offense but due to the nature of the offense here I
don't think that I could withstand this deep hurt over and again.
Mert
_________________
~The difference between stepping stones and stumbling blocks....... is how you use them ~

Bethany · Joined: 12 Mar 2026 Posts: 110

Humanly speaking, it's impossible to forgive multiple offenses, especially of this nature. Thankfully, we don't have to do it in our own power. Consider Jesus, how many times he was rejected and denied by those he loved. Consider the treatment he endured, and the faithlessness of His own disciples. But how did He respond? In love and forgiveness. If He's to be our example, should we not claim His power and do the same? Even to our own husbands when they are unfaithful?
I have family as an example of this kind of forgiveness. It's not easy, but with God's help and a heart that wants to do right, it's possible.

champion1 · Joined: 13 Mar 2026 Posts: 9

update- Praise God, my friend is finally letting her husband see the children (even though the chidren did not want to see their father) she has been coming with me to my church all summer and each week she comments on the word of God and is getting very close to having her husband move back in. Praise God!!! During this time she relized alot about her self and how she can really do a lot more to help the marriage

daredheaded1 · Joined: 15 May 2025 Posts: 131 Location: PA

MertVnWV · Joined: 21 Mar 2026 Posts: 201 Location: Southern WV

Yes. Certainly a sad situation. It is very sad that some people just do not have any self control. I hate it for the kids that are in the middle of situations like this. To me, after a couple has a child/children it is no longer ~ just ~ about us but "about them."
Mert
_________________
~The difference between stepping stones and stumbling blocks....... is how you use them ~