www.creativeladiesministry.com

[Preston]

Our S.S. program goes something like this; giving gifts every month for an entire year. We reveal at the Christmas party with an even bigger gift for our sister.

For the last several years, I've heard many ladies complain about our S.S. program. It's the same thing every year. Many ladies do not even participate anymore b/c of these same problems. Some women will join and then quit before the year is half way over. Then we have to scramble around to figure out how to give their name to someone else and make sure that they get the gifts just like other ladies. Some ladies simply complain b/c they cannot afford to keep up with the gift giving. The current director has said that they can just buy a card for them, but when you hear ladies actually complaining about not getting an actual gift, then it kind of makes you feel like you HAVE to get a gift. The whole thing, in my opinion has gone so sour and it's truly sad.

Our director was going to have us draw in NOvember. If I had known that previously I would've talked to her first, but as it was, I had no idea. The other night we were talking about S.S. and I raised my hand and offered a suggestion that we consider making some changes in the s.s. program. The director asked what kind of changes and I explained some of the ideas i got from this website. I also said, that it should be something that we go home and think about and just postpone the drawing for tonight, IF everyone thought they might like to change things, but if no one wanted to do that, then no big deal, it was simply a suggestion.

Several ladies were excited about doing something new. The director on the other hand, got furious. She said everything negative thing she could about anything changing and said if she couldn't buy gifts for her sister then she would just quit. She said if we all wanted to change it, then maybe we should just quit the whole thing altogether. Other ladies were trying to console her by explaining why they might like a change and I was trying to defend myself b/c she was blasting me for wanting a change...it was awful.

Things would've been find if we had just tabled the idea for the next meeting just like everyone suggested, no one expected her to throw a fit like that. She finally ended her raging by telling the girl that will be the director in January that she could deal with the mess b/c she wasn't going to do it.

I felt terrible. All I wanted was to make a suggestion and she flipped out. I didn't want to open the discussion up for ss bashing, and no one did that, we were all just comfortable knowing that change was an option. I keep thinking what could've went wrong. I don't feel guilty for making a suggestion b/c I knew that most of the ladies were ready for change. Our meetings are always open to discuss new things and new ideas. It's always welcomed.

The new director called me and told me to not feel bad about what happened. She loved the ideas and wanted all my information regarding the new s.s. stuff. She's handing out the s.s. evaluation forms this week too.

I still felt bad so I sent the director a letter apologizing for offending her in anyway and assured her that my intentions were only to make a suggestion and not to say she was a bad director or anything.

She's been known to be a little on the edgy side when something does not go her way, but I thought this was way over the top. I never expected this reaction. I honestly thought she would be excited about something new too! she's always telling us, give us ideas on new things!

Should I do anything else, or just leave it at that with the letter of apology?

I still feel bad that she acted in such a way.

LOve
amanda

[Gina]

We changed our program this year. Before we did, I went to the leader personally with the information I got off Julia's site. This way she looked at it before we brought it up to the other ladies. Otherwise, she may have reacted the same way your director did.

I truly believe you need to visit her personally. Take a friend along. When you apologize, you need to take the responsibility for the blame (even if you didn't mean any harm). Seven words can do so much healing -- "I was wrong. Will you forgive me?" At least you can have a clear conscience before God that you did what was right.

I know how frustrating this can be. I've been through this with other matters. But the Lord can use these trials to make stronger leaders. I have seen this in our own church. Hope this helps.

Gina

[Corri]

I'd say that your suggestion probably was not wrong, however, your timing could have been better. I know you didn't realize that the drawing would happen right then, so you did what you felt led to....so, now that it's out in the open, you need to face it, and face it before it becomes too hard to, and you both give up and leave that church. Make sure you don't appologize for what you are not sorry for, but be very specific about your appology. (offending her, not checking with her first, when you really wanted to be an encouagement to her!) She had probably had much experience with "gripers" the past year (from your note), and just jumped to the conclusion that you were willing to bash her too....when, in reality, you were wanting to help out. Pray first, and God will lead you two to work this out....He is amazing! Pray that you can be the salve that her tired soul needs right now!
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Because He lives,
so do I--
Corri

[Startrek]

Oh my soul Preston! I had such a similar thing happen at a ladies meeting - except I was the leader and the lady who threw a fit was one of the members of the group! I suggested a change in the way we were doing a certain thing and she flipped out in front of everyone. So much so, that we "tabled" the matter until PASTOR could come straighten it out. I had someone pray over refreshments, the ladies went to the kitchen to eat and I went to the bathroom to cry! It was just awful. She never did make that right w/ me. I have forgiven her for it & to this day can speak to her and shake her hand w/out any hard feelings - but she never saw the need to make any apology for her display of disrespect & discourtesy towards me (her pastor's wife). She really just told on herself that night - exactly what was in her heart.
Takes all kinds to make the world go round - huh?

I don't know if you have approached this lady yet - but if you haven't - I will be praying that all goes well and that she will receive your apology in a spirit of love. If you've already gone to her - I pray that everything's OK.
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"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusteth in Thee. Trust ye in the LORD forever, for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength." Isaiah 26:3, 4