www.creativeladiesministry.com

[javahousesinger]

Hi, I am a fairly new ministry wife. I've been married for 11 years but my husband became a full time youth pastor 2 years ago. I'm going on a mission trip and will be teaching pastor's wives. I'm going to talk about being a support to our husbands and just wanted to here from you on how you do this. What are some of the big things you all have dealt with being a pastors wife? Thanks alot.

[vanilla]

Wow....how do you even answer that one?

You've got to be supportive, even when you want to give up on the ministry.
You've got to bite your tongue, even when you really want to lash out at someone. (I've got lots of scars on my tongue!)
You've got to be his sounding board when he wants to vent and he can't say those things to anyone else.
You've got to share him with lots of others when you really want him all to yourself.
You've got to be a forgiving person to those that hurt him (and there are those that will).
You've got to be flexible, sometimes dinner won't be at 5:00, and sometimes he'll have to leave before it's done.
And you've got to know that because you're in God's Will, it's worth it all.

A very hard time for me was leaving my home and moving so far away from my family. (He wasn't in the ministry when we married and I didn't think that was part of the deal! )
And with the kids, it was hard when they would have to change schools and leave their friends, and moms really hurt when their kids hurt, so those were real tough times for me.

I remember our first big move, we had purchased our first home and lived there only a year. My parents, his parents, brothers, sisters, etc. all lived within an hour from us.
God had called him to a church 7 hours away. My youngest at that time was 6.
She said "Why do we have to leave? Grandma's here, Grandpa's here, we got a nice house and friends"
I wanted to be on her level, so I responded "Remember how Jonah didn't go where God told him to and he got swallowed by the big fish?"
she answered "Yes"
so I said "Do you want daddy to not listen to God and be swallowed by a big fish?"
she said "If it means we can stay, OK!"
So much for being on her level!

Yeah, it's tough at times, but well worth it all!
Have a great time on your trip, and may God bless your speaking engagement.

[glen]

Hello there
It's the Decons wife I have two questions for y'all...
1.Am I the only one on this sight that is "not" a pw???

2. We are having apprication day in Sept. give me some ideas on gifts.
They have 2 children one 16 one 12 He(the Pastor) works outside the church on another job, and the Pastors wife goes to school.

Need ideas on a altogether gift or individual gifts.
God Bless glen

[Combatbride]

Gift certificates to a store or a restaurant or both! Since he is working a second job they might appreciate good ole cash! You could present it as a money tree or something cute like that.
Combatbride
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For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Timothy 1:7

[gloworm]

Glen,

Just to let you know, I am not a preacher's wife. I'm not even a deacon's wife. My husband is the Chairman of the Ushers though.
_________________
Love in Christ,
Gloworm

[Beverly Caver]

As a pastor's wife for 13 years, the main things I would tell as far as being supportive of your husband is 'never allow the congregation to know if you are upset with him about anything' and whenever he is teaching/preaching let him see your 'smiling' face (even if you are upset) because sometimes it will be the only 'smiling' face he'll see at that particular time. Of course, continually trust in God for leadership and guidance.
_________________
Beverly C

[Guest]

Beaverly, the smiling face....how true that is!!
That was a very good point!!!

Mrs. Deacon, don't be so hard on yourself! We LOVE our deacon wives!


About the gifts, please realize pastors have all the religious statues, pictures, etc. that they probably want!
You mentioned family, other job, school....that tells me they are probably TIRED! A vacation would be nice. (Don't make it a 1 way ticket to anywhere, kind of gives the wrong impression! )
(one church gave my husband a set of luggage and clock for his office...he asked them if they were trying to tell him it was "time to leave" haha! )

Money, gift certificate, dinner out, keeping the kids and letting them have a weekend away.
I knew of a pastor that stood before the congregation with his arms out (like a tree) and the families came up and gave him words of encouragment and hung money on him....so HE was the actual money tree.

Even the gift itself isn't as big of a deal as the fact that you are honoring your pastor....what he really needs to know is that he IS appreciated, and every day, not just on apprecitation Sunday. I have been in churchs that showered us with gifts on a certain day and treated my husband terrible every other day. The one we are currently in has not had a big special appreciation thing, but they are so respectful and caring and remember birthdays and anniversaries and our kids birthdays, and it's so special just knowing they actually CARE! When he recieves a card for "no special reason" THAT's special!

Anyway, enough of all that. (I was not trying to indicate that you don't appreciate your pastor) hope this helped a little....
now for my question....
What can we do for our deacons and wife? I've always felt like they don't get the recognition they deserve....any ideas???

~Vanilla~

[glen]

Well Praise the Lord!!!
I thought I had entered a no-fly-zone.. . Glad to meet you gloworm.But I have to tell you all that most of my closest friends are pw. ..I also would like to add that as a decons wife you get so close to the Pastors wife, and then when they leave it is shattering..
I have been a decons wife along time remember I'm---! Old--! Anyway the first time I was left by a Pastors Wife I vowed to "NEVER" get that close to a "Pastors Wife" again. It hurt too much when you have to leave. Then here came this sweet person into my church that I just couldn't help but love and here I went again. .. I have learned though that just because they (you) leave a church, they have let me know that they still want contact with me. That helps alot.We have to be weaned off from you-guys, sometimes. . God Bless you all,glen..

[Beverly Caver]

Speaking of gifts for the pastor/wife/family. As a pastor's wife, I really appreciate receiving things that I rarely buy for myself (a nice nightie, perfume etc.). My husband on the other hand prefers people don't buy clothes for him (hard to please in that area). Also, sometimes just small things mean a 'lot'. There is one precious lady that brings juice to every Bible Study and Teachers' meeting for my husband - love and appreciation can be shown in many ways and it doesn't have to be 'expensive'.
_________________
Beverly C

[Bethany S.]

Well, God bless you all. I am not a pastor's wife yet, but I am a minister and a minister's wife. I use to be a deaconess also. All of the advice and insight was excellent and very helpful to me. One thing I have learned in my walk to be my husband's helpmate is to be a prayer warrior. When you are, God will show you dangers from afar(that your husband may not be aware of) so you can steer your family away from it. Sometimes your mate is so focused on others, he leaves his household open for attack. That is where we come in.

[Guest]

As a pastor's wife of 15 years -( married 27 years) the very best gift we ever received was from an evangelist. He was holding a week's revival and on Thursday night he asked my husband if it was okay if he took a special offering that night for a special need. He didn't go into a lot of detail, but myhusband who had great faith in the evangelist said okay. When he got up for his portion of the service, the evangelist began his plea for the special offering for a very special cause. He said he couldn't tell us what it was for just yet, but when it was taken and counted he would tell us. Well, guess what? It was for my husband and I to go on a weekend trip. It was the most wonderful thing we could have received. Our church family does honor us on pastor appreciation day, but they also honor us every day and that is such a blessing.

[amyb]

I remember when going through premarital counseling-one thing that they said is that men want to know that their wives are proud of them. I really feel that this is especially true in the ministry. Sometimes they have to stand up against many things Satan throws their way and they feel all alone. Let them know by email, note, and face-to-face just how proud you are that he is a man God has called and that you support him, even if it seems no one else does.
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In His grip and grace.

[Barbara]

Hello im Barbara, my husband is a minister. He has been a minister for about 25yrs now, Deacons wives never put yourself down, your an important part of your Church, especially to the Pastors wife,, we need you so badly to be godly women of the lord. I have enjoyed our work in the ministry, its hard, long hours but did God ever say being a Christian would be easy, I THINK NOT. but our walk with him daily makes us grow closer to him in many way.. as far as gifts , the nicest one we ever received was a Bunn Coffee Maker, as myhusband is a big coffee drinker and stays up late at night preparing sermons, visiting in hospitals, etc, it is quick and very dependable.... but mostly the gifts we get that are the most meaningful are the smiles and hugs we receive from our parish members,,,,,,, we love them,,,,,,we stress to them love is first as jesus said of all these love is the greatest and believe me we have a loving church,,,,,,,,,,,,, their caring ways, their smiles, their presence is enoughfor us, we are a growing church,,,,, more new members each week, small in size but growing We are happy to serve god, im so glad i found this board for help, advice, i guess i would say the hardest thing about being a ministers wife,,,,,, is this.........i have toalways come second in my husbands life , next to the church,, and God but i have learned to deal with that and i pray about it...... SECRET SISTERS IS A WONDERFUL IDEA, WE JUST STARTED NEW CHURCH LAST DEC. AND IM BEGINNING TO START THIS FOR OUR LADIES, PLUS TEA PARTIES,,, AND A TEACHING ON """""" dont miss the boat"""""""" and Naomi and ruth.. god bless,

[junebug]

"HELLO" TO ALL THE PASTOR'S WIVES,
BEING A WIFE AND A MOTHER OF 2 GROWN CHILDREN AND 4 GRANDCHILDREN I MAY SAY BEGN A
PASTOR'S WIFE IS A 'BLESSING'
OH, YES THERE ARE TIMES WHEN YOU THINK WHY ON EARTH WOULD GOD CHOOSE ME TO BE A PASTOR'S WIFE.......MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED 34 YEARS AND 'PRAISE THE LORD' WE ARE STILL VERY MUCH IN LOVE.....
I GUESS THE ADVICE I MAY LEAVE WITH YOU IS TO LOVE GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND SERVE HIM WITH ALL YOU HEART. TIMES DO GET ROUGH BUT REMEMBER JESUS PROMISES TO BE WITH US IN TIMES OF TROUBLES. HE NEVER SAID YOU WILL NOT HAVE TROUBLE ONLY, I WILL BE WITH YOU IN THESE TIMES OF TROUBLE
KEEP YOUR EYES ON JESUS AND SUPPORT YOUR HUSBAND AND LOVE THE PEOPLE EVEN WHEN IT IS HARD TO.
GOD BLESS YOU RICHLY