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[Lou]

I need to just pour out my heart tonight. Please, no tongue lashings, I KNOW I messed up.

My family and I invited a friend and her kids to stay with us after her husband left her. I had a hysterectomy due to uterine cancer during this time. I had thought we could be a blessing to each other. She could be a help to me during recovery and of course we'd be letting her stay here with us rent free until she could find a place.

I knew things were tense between her and my middle son. We talked and I let her know it was inappropriate for her to scream at him. I told her to come to me or my husband if she had an issue with any of our kids. During our discussion she screamed alot at me and threatened to move out of state to be with her mother. I handled it calmly and said she could do whatever she felt she needed to do, but I thought we could work through things. I told her we loved her and understood the pressure she was under but she couldn't take it out on the kids. She seemed to understand, I thought things were resolved and that was the end of it.

I had a long recovery due to some post op complications, was on a lot of pain meds and quite frankly out of it for many months. After she moved out there seemed to be continued tension between her and my middle child. A snide little remark here and there, always in the presence of others. And quite frankly, my family was somewhat hostile towards her and her youngest son. NOthing overt, they just did not want to spend any time with him.

I spent some time talking to my husband and children and found out that she was screaming at the kids on a pretty regular basis. My husband would intervene, she would apologize and then it would start all over again. I'm so ashamed that I didn't realize what was going on and protect my kids better. My youngest loves kids, especially little ones. But he told me how awful it was that her little boy could do things like kick the dog and when he told the little boy to stop, my friend would yell at him and not correct her son. It was awful to hold him in my arms and hear him cry and tell me how awful it was having her in the house. My husband was even offended by her behavior, but dealt with it the best he could. He mentioned most of the tension was due to her youngest's bad behavior. This from a man who is rarely offended and has the patience of a saint.

In the meantime, I had taken my middle son in to the dermatologist to have some suspicious moles removed and had asked her to pray for him. She said she would. So we were talking tonight and I said, Don't you want to hear what happened with Caleb? She said she had forgotten that he had the appt today and why didn't I remind her? I said, I thought he would be on your prayer list and that you would remember. She said she was sorry and I told her I forgave her. Even now, I feel I did and do forgive her. But, I felt tonight we needed to deal with all these past tensions. See, I was beginning to wonder if she didn't pray for my son on purpose. I needed to ask her if she had forgiven him for past strife.

When she apologized a second time as our evening was ending I took that opportunity to ask her if we could talk. I told her that I had noticed that there was still tension between her, her 4 y/o and my 15 y/o. I asked her if she had forgiven Caleb. I even told her that I had been dealing with this for awhile. I told her I knew this wasn't the best time for her (still dealing with divorce) but that I had to know if she hated Caleb. I brought to her remembrance the things she had said about Caleb, often to me in the presence of others. She bald faced lied to me, denying these things, then proceeded to get very angry. It just got worse after that. I know I should not have screamed back at her, but honestly I was tired of hearing her deny what I know she had said about my child. And then she started throwing in weird stuff, like she'd just let her husband have custody of the kids. Truly I felt manipulated. I just kept telling her that I wanted her to hear me, how hurt I was to find out that she had treated my family so poorly during OUR crisis. She just kept denying and justifying her bad behavior.

She was so incredibly mean. So incredibly comfortable screaming at me. I KNOW I should not have stooped to her level and screamed back. I'm ashamed to say, I even used a curse word. I know I need to repent/apologize for that. I told my husband about the conversation and he agrees that I was wrong in that area.

There is so much more to this than I have the energy to type. The worst part is that I knew she wouldn't be able to recieve what I had to say. She always says she wants people to come to her if they have a problem, but then she yells at them when they do. No winning for losing.... Both of us regret her moving in with us. I think it may have ruined our friendship. I tried to stop things before it got more out of hand than it already had, but she just angrily stomped off. I told her to call me when she was ready.


Pray for me. Pray for her. Thanks for listening.

[Guest]

Lou: I admire you for taking the courage to write this. I am really going to pray for you from my heart as if I were in your shoes. I have never been divorced and wont say much about the friend. I believe God will do a great miracle for you and your family. Please continue to love your children because they seem to be hurted a lot. As we all pray for you, God will give you what you need to say to her at the right time. Take some time to heal from your surgery and at the same time, read His words and He will give you Words of Comfort for both your family and your friend. I am praying. All4him

[Patricia Harris]

Hi
All i got to say is i know about two familys living together and it dont work. And when me and my freinds have words we just dont talk let it blow over and if its true friends it will work out by its self. So i know you and your family done the best you can for your friend,because you have to give up alots TV ,beds ,being by yourself, your time with your kids, i been there and i know.You might should not done and said something you did but just ask for forgive and God will work it out.And one day she will see what kind of friend she has or had.People just dont understand it takes a very big friend to give up a lots to let someone move in with them.I will pray for you and your friend.My other family just moved out 2 weeks ago and left us with a big phone bill,light bill, waterbill and we got her a car and now we have to pay for it.But you know we were a blessing for her and God will bless us for it and he will you too.Hang in there and all will be well.Thank you I think i needed to pour out mine too.

[CallmeGoof]

Lou,

I feel for your situation. I will also be praying for you and your family. (And your "friend..") We all have had these hard times in our life. Last week I lost a cousin at 17, the same day another cousin found that he had a tumor the size of a tennis ball in his stomach, and my mother (who I am so close to) called me crying asking me for money (which is very unlike her.) All this happened in one day. That day I got so upset that I was mad at God. My pastor called me and was trying to comfort me and he told me to read Jobe. When he explained what had happened to Jobe I told him that God was mean how can him not protecting Jobe how does that show that he loves us. I told him that I wanted an anwser, I wanted to know what God took my cousin so young. He told me that I may never know. Well God DID tell me why. God anwsered my prayer. Which made my faith even stronger. God will never put more on us more than we can handle. I will be praying.

God Bless,

Jen

[glorybound]

Hey Lou....(got a sister named Lou!) I feel your pain! I have been through a horrible experience with a dear friend and in my heart it is over. I hold no grudges and feel no hard feelings toward her. However, she will not speak to me, nor even acknowledge my presence when I see her. I know that I love her and always will, but when another couple moved to our small community and also joined our church....we all welcomed them with open arms but it was not long before I was appalled at the way this woman thought! She is a very wealthy woman who was an executive in a big business before she retired! Yes, Lou, we are older women here, who should know better! To make a long story a tad bit shorter, the woman (and her husband, but he was her 'yes' man) thought the church should be run like a business! To me, the surest way to know if you are in line with God's word, is, if you are 'of the world' instead of 'in the world'.....We, as His children, are supposed to reflect Him...not the world or anything it has to offer. Anyway, my friend, just fell for this couple....hook, line and sinker. No matter what they did, she thought it was wonderful...even when they made fun of a wonderful, mentally handicapped person in our church that we have loved for years, my friend went along with them! Anyway, I had to confront this woman over a worldly matter that took place in the Ladies Auxiliary and I prayed for a month for Gods guidance. I hated doing it but when something is wrong and allowed to go on, it can become like the old saying 'one rotten apple can spoil the whole basket'....anyway, both couples have left our church. I got on my knees and told God 'Father, I have to have some relief. I need You to speak to my heart.'....my very next thought was 'you are not responsible for their actions...you don't have to answer for them. But you ARE responsible for yours.'.....and as I said, I hold no grudges....I still love my friend but she allowed a lady who was a stumbling block to influence her. My conscience is clear and I earnestly pray for both couples......and I have put it behind me and I refuse to allow it all to become between me and my Father by giving it more thought than I do Him....cause He is WONDERFUL, AWESOME, and I want to be closer and closer to Him every day of my life!!

In His grace,
Glorybound
_________________
"Be still and know that I am God"....Psalms 46:10

[Lou]

Well, it's been awhile and my friend and I are finally getting together to talk this out tomorrow. We have a mutual friend who is willing to have us over at her house. She will pray with us and try to lead us through this. This friend is very neutral and very mature in the Lord, so she will be a big help.

It's been so long since we've talked. This was my friends decision, not mine. I really wanted this resolved some time ago. Please pray for all of us. I just don't know what to say to her. I reallllly need the wisdon God gives.

Please pray for us.

Thank you so very much!

[trishfromalabama1]

I will be praying for you and what ever Gods will let it be done. Use your heart not your head.Sometimes our head leads us the wrong why.God bless you and God be with you.

[Lou]

Well, to make a long story short we are reconcilled!

Sisters, if you have aught against one another please go to each other. Be swift to listen and slow to speak when someone comes to you. Tarry with each other and work it out to God's glory.

We're both better women for it, mistakes made but redeemed by His grace.

Thanks for praying.