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carolyn · Guest

A young man in our church is marrying a girl from out of state. She will not be here at all before they are married. I'd like to give her a shower, especially so she can meet all the ladies. But, it will be after they are wed. (This will become her home church.) I cannot find any etiquette guide that addresses this situation. Do you find this appropriate?

I plan to use a "seeds of friendship" theme. This young lady will be in an age range of her own in our small rural church, so I think it's so very important she mixes with us all.

jodi · Joined: 12 Sep 2025 Posts: 113 Location: Florida

This sounds like a wonderful idea and a very thoughtful gesture to welcome this young lady to her new church family.
Can't help you out with the etiquette part, but I wouldn't think it would be much different than a pre-wedding shower.
Since they will already be married when you give this shower they will have already received many gifts. You could help them stock their house with household and kitchen supplies (laundry soap, cleaning supplies, all the staples you find in a kitchen). That first trip to the grocery store can be quite expensive.
One last thing - I love the theme.
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Jodi
Jer 32:27 Behold, I [am] the LORD, the God of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for me?

mi3sons · Joined: 03 Sep 2025 Posts: 28 Location: Florida

We had a basket shower for our new music minister. People filled baskets with themed items, ie kitchen, bathroom, baking, etc. With your theme, maybe you could have people use garden pots or planters rather than baskets.

Carolyn · Joined: 24 Feb 2026 Posts: 1

The bride is coming from a very large church where she will have been showered. Her soon-to-be MIL says she'll have everything she'll need. I was considering extending the theme to suggest ladies focus their gifts on "seeds", i.e. spices or perhaps gardening. I do need to consider that almost all our ladies are on very fixed incomes with a few very, very much the other way. So I thought focusing on bringing a spice might equalize the gifts and not put to much burden on those who are elderly. I like the idea of using a basket, too.

Anyway, I am so thankful for your thoughts. When I mentioned it one lady said it's awkward since we don't know her and another of my friends (not in my church) said they'd already be married, so it wasn't appropriate to give her a shower. I spent yesterday afternoon checking all the etiquette books at the library and couldn't find a mention of this situation, so I was getting leary of going ahead with it. You ladies have encouraged me so much. Thanks.

jodi · Joined: 12 Sep 2025 Posts: 113 Location: Florida

If there is concern among the ladies about it being a "shower" since she is already married then maybe a ladies fellowship or party or something else might be a good alternative. It seems like the main point is to welcome her into the family rather than "shower" her with gifts. Your idea of the spices or seeds seems great. It's a great gesture toward the recipient and easier for those on smaller budgets.
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Jodi
Jer 32:27 Behold, I [am] the LORD, the God of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for me?

Guest · Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2026 4:32 am Post subject:

I love the basket idea, too. Everytime we have a new ministry leader, I do the same. I know my situation and your situation is completely different but I think that people love the idea of someone else just taking the time to do something for them. What an awesome way to show someone that you care and welcome them. Sometimes coming to a new church and a new family of believers can be very overwhelming and just getting married can to. Have a fellowship lunch, dinner or even dessert. I thin what you are doing is GREAT!!! I think you really have a heart to minister to people and show them God's love. I like the seeds but I also like the household items too. I know when I first got married gardening was the last thing on my mind. I mean I needed to start focusing on cleaning, cooking, laudry, and trying to figure out how everything was to work. Plus everyone can always use household items.
They will never have to much of that.

You could even make dinner baskets... Including spag. sauce, spag. noodles,
dressing, rolls, anything else you can think of and make a basket of meals.

I think she will be happy. Remember no matter what you do, it's the thought that counts.

Good Luck!!!