www.creativeladiesministry.com

[Mary Ann]

Hello everyone,
This is my first time on this site and I think it is great. Just a little info on me before I ask my question. I have been a senior pastor's wife for only 6 months. Before that I was an associate pastor's wife for 6 years. We served at the same church that we got saved in. We were at that church for a total of 12 years. Now that I am a senior pastor's wife I am not sure about how to make friends in the church. Question like "How close to I get to someone?" , "Is it ok to have one special friend?". This was never really a problem at the other church I was in because I already had friends before we went on staff there. Maybe the problem is me. I think I worry to much about what people think. I have learned that I need to be myself no matter what people think but I don't want people to think I play favortism. There are a few ladies I feel connected to more than others. Is it wrong to want to hang out with them more than the others? Maybe this is just silly. Any advice about friends would be helpful.

Serving Him

[snowgal]

Dear Mary Ann:

Ah!! What a topic! Pastor's wives and friends---we can discuss this for hours. I should say pastor's wives and lack of close friends should be more appropriate title. Many, many pastor's wives including me deal with this subject, sometimes more in one church than another. I'll try to make my response short and sweet. First be very careful who you reveal your innermost self to, people are human and they can hurt us--especially as senior pastor's wives. I have read several articles in different places that say that we should not limit ourselves to friends in the church but also look outside the church. Also realize that as the pastor's wife, you will be talked about both good and bad, both in front of you and behind your back. We have to develop a "thick skin" it takes time, I'm still learning even after nearly 10 years. Develop an intimate relationship with the Lord where He is your very best friend. Also maintain a good open relationship with your husband, because he is probably the only one you can really talk to about church matters and not have it "get around". This website is an excellent resource to develop friends. If you can, register in that way you can have private message privileges, and can contact other ladies here. I just joined, but I am looking forward to developing new friendships where other ladies understand what we are going through.
Snowgal