www.creativeladiesministry.com

[Guest]

We had a fellowship last night. First let me say it was wonderful. It was a fall theme and we played games and ate and laughed and talked and cried and had a great time. My dilema... There was a lady that called me over to the table the minute I walked in the door and said "I thought this was for ladies, why are there kids here?" To which I replied "There are some ladies that couldn't be here if they didn't bring their children."
I didn't tell her that I had had 3 phone calls earlier that day about children coming. I don't mind if they come, I don't like to shut anyone out. I know of 4 ladies that would not have been there if they hadn't brought their children (1 woman doesn't know the Lord and is really seeking, she has visited our church a couple of times and we are praying that she comes to know the Lord, she was one of my phone calls and I told her not to let bringing her child hinder her from coming.) I did try to get some child care but was not able to, so 2 of the oldest ones there, (6th grade) took the kids after we ate and played with them in one of the adjoining rooms. No one seemed to mind that the children were there. (Except for this woman). When I got home I was a little upset about it because one of the ladies that took her children thought the complaining woman didn't like her. I didn't want to tell what the real reason was all about because I didn't want to start something, and I kind of had to "smooth everything over" and not talk bad about someone while doing so, so I was a little fumed by the time I got home. When I said something about it to my husband, my daughter, who is 15, overheard me and asked "would she have been upset if I would have went?" (Good question huh?) Where do you draw the line? What do you ladies think and how do you run your ladies banquets?

In His Service

[Prov31wannabe]

Child care and children attending ministry functions has always been a touchy thing.
In our ministry, we've seen a baby/toddler "boom" and finally had to make a rule that children are not allowed in Bible study classrooms. To accomodate the moms of older babies (we allowed infants too young for child care) and toddlers who weren't willing to use the childcare, we set up one class for them....called it a "blanket class".

We had some mom's leave but if we hadn't established this rule, we would have lost far more ladies who felt the disturbance of the mobile children was too distracting for study.

Our events, on the other hand....we encourage children to participate!
If we have a devotion or something requiring everyone's attention, we leave it to the moms to be responsible for their children (if a child is particularly fussy, they are expected to leave the room to respect the speaker).
We do offer child care at these events too, but the children are welcome to attend the event.
On the occasions when we are unable to offer child care, we do our best (as you did with the older kids!!!) to arrange something to give the moms a break.
One option we found was to use our youth group (jr. high and high schoolers)....we take a donation for the group and they provide volunteers to watch the younger kids.

Remember----you will almost always have someone who is not happy with the arrangements. You simply cannot please everyone all the time.
Don't worry over it.
You did the right thing....put out the "fires" as best you could.
That's all you can do.
_________________
Colossians 1:27 ...."Christ in you, the hope of glory."

[Guest]

Thanks for your advice. I underrstand about a Bible Study time, but these are just fellowships, all in fun and we don't normally have anything requiring "quiet time" although last night we did have a speaker - but it was ME! And it wasn't anything formal, I just stood among the tables in the fellowship hall. So I didn't look at this as any different than when we have our Mother Daughter banquet, and we surely would let our children come to that!
Thanks for your help. Anyone else have ideas on this?

In His Service

[BarbaraJean]

Hi!
I'm so glad that I haven't been confronted about this situation. If possible it would be good if you could provide 1 or 2 activities a year that are adult only. I have never said that children aren't welcome at any of our meetings but we do have a banquet every October where we go to a conference center banquet room. Only once has somebody brought a child and that was a newborn.

Personally, if one of my ladies confronted me like that, I would firmly but kindly remind her that Jesus rebuked his disciples for their attitude toward children and also tell her that these ladies would surely come alone to enjoy the fellowship without worrying about their children if it had been possible.

Sometimes people are very selfish and fail to see all sides of a situation.

You might be able to prevent these confrontations if when announcing the meeting you were to say something like, " Ladies, we encourage you to find a sitter and enjoy this evening of fellowship but if you can't please don't allow that to prevent you from attending. Your children are always welcome at ____________ Church."
_________________
God Is Good All The Time. . .
Barb

[Guest]

Thank you for the advice. That would be a good way to handle it.
I wish I would have come back with your answer to her, that was a good one. I would say I will use it next time, but hoping there won't be one.
We do have a Christmas dinnner/party that is adult only, personally, I don't like it. It makes me feel like I am abandoning my children. But remember, my daughter I spoke of earlier, she is 15. Too old for a babysitter, not old enough to drive, so she gets to stay home by herself and find her own meal. BUT, I go anyway, and I do it without complaining.
The funny thing about the fellowship is that the woman said "I thought these were just for women...." well, I started the whole ministry, and no age limit was ever set, no adult/children issues ever discussed, the only thing ever said, and it was joked about was that some of them men said they wanted to come. So basically, she came up with that on her own.
As Prov31wannabe stated earlier, you can't please everyone!
(BTW, she didn't come to church last night, I wonder if she's mad?? )

[Joey]

I'm looking for some slumber party ideas. I've never had one for just ladies, but I was hoping to do it a little different than our typical retreats. I'm interested in food ideas, games, and any way to fellowship where the normal lady things won't occur ( gossip, moods,)We have a great bunch of ladies, but when you are up late and spending about 30 hrs with one another I'm fearful the love of Christ might get lost. Thanks so much.

[costacasa]

I am a women's leader and I provide child-care for the women so they can come and enjoy fellowship and time with be God without any disruption. Most of the women leave their children at home with their father's but we do have some that can't do that for several different reasons. I use the youth of our church, I have been very blessed that 2 of the teens loves children and are really good with them. I try to only open childcare up for 0-3 but sometimes there are a few older ones. I feel the same way I don't want to see any woman left out because of child-care issues and I would rather them bring them and make do than have them miss out. People have to understand that in the last days many people are in a heaven or hell situation and this maybe the one chance that they come and hear God's word and change. If we shut them out because of child-care then bascially we've just given them back to the devil. Like Prov31 said you will never be able to make everyone happy. Christian are so critical sometimes. Why? I haven't figured that out yet!!!
I heart is like your's I want everyone to attend and be blessed. I don't want anyone feeling left out for any reason.

[shay]

I personally think it is very wise to inform people on the invites or your flyers what will take place. I usually will say " children welcome" "Adults only please" or something like that. This way everyone knows in advance what to expect and they can make up their minds if they want to attend or not. It seems like more and more people want kids totally shut out. Many churches don't let the kids even in the main church service? How will children ever learn to "be the church?" They don't get to see it a lot in action. But in the same note, I certainly understand moms needing time away from children.

What I do, is I have one main women's fellowship and at this one there are no kids usually. I advertise it as "no children" but if a mom gets in a pinch, we will sometimes have one or two. And ofcourse we have some moms with babies (I dont consider those kids, he he).

Now a good idea is to start other women's fellowship off of your main one. I did that, and now we have two others. One is a more serious time of prayer and no children go to that one. Then I do one with children and moms.

[guest]

We have a ladies social every month. We get 2 girls from our church, never less than 2, who are of 'babysitting age" to baby-sit right there at the church. We have the children be in a different location from where the women are meeting and if possible in a place where they can't hear us. The babysitters come early and they are responsible to set up for a video, maybe games, depends on who is coming and how many.

That's another thing, when we announce the social, we annouce that babysitting is available and to PLEASE let so and so know if you are bringing your children. That way if we have 15 kids, we know we need more than 2 sitters! Sometimes one of the young women will help out. It works really well. We do an offering each month at our social and that $ is used for future events, (decorating, door prizes, whatever) and we pay each babysitter $5 from that money. If we meet at someone’s house, we still have the children dropped off at church and then we make sure we have at least one adult supervising.

Sometimes it is nice to have the girls be a part of the group, but for the most part, as a mom of 2, it's nice to have this separate time when we can actually sit back and relax and enjoy!

Oh, we generally have one person who is responsible to make sure we have babysitters and make sure they have things set up,etc. Perhaps the woman who complained would be willing to fill this post!