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[guest]

This is a general question not so much as a ministry question.

I have a 10, 5, and a 4 year old. They are all girls! My 4 year old is being very rebillious and is driving me crazy!! I have tried to spank her and stand her in a corner and nothing seems to work. Does anyone have any ideas on how to raise a strong-willed child??? She is such a leader that she pretty much tells everyone else what to do, when to do, and how to do it. She is smaller than the other girls but that doesn't scare her all at.. It's either her way or no way!! And she is the same way with her friends at church to. She really talks back and continues to push my buttons. But when Dad is home she is just a perfect little angel, and when I vent to my husband he just doesn't seem to understand how come I have such a problem with her. This is really being to affect my ministry because I don't take her with me because She refuses to listen to me and I spend the enitre time fighting with her. I have prayed about it and no answers yet... I just have never seen a child who just refused to obey. I mean my dad would spank my butt as a child and I would have never thought of doing the same thing I did again but her she gets mad and starts yelling and well give her 5 minutes and she'll do it again. Please help..... Has anyone ever had this problem ? I am praying that it is just a season..

[Guest]

I don't know that I have an answer for you but I can tell you that you are not alone. We have a 6,4 and 3 year old. Our youngest is similiar to yours - strong willed. Although he hates the punishment he is given, he is willing to endure it so that he can do what he wants to do.

I will say that my husband was slightly similiar to this and my in-laws managed to raise him to have character and be a Godly man - he is now a pastor and has an absolutely wonderful personality. In fact, some of those obnoxious personality traits were molded by his parents and are now some of his strong points. I believe what worked for them was consistancy. He nearly drove my mother-in-law crazy but through the grace of God she stuck to her guns and did not back down - no matter what. (Although, I think she did pray that her son would have a child similiar to him, for payback ) But their example lets me know there is hope for my son.

Continue to pray and seek answers from the Word of God, Proverbs is a good Book of wisdom and has much to say about the parent/child relationship. I will pray that the Lord will give you wisdom as you mold the life of your daughter.

[OkieLady]

I have a granddaughter who is very strong willed also. When you are raising them it is so difficult but that is a very good trait also. James Dobson has a book "The Strong Willed Child" that might give you some help. I really believe in that personallity that God can use them mightily if they are trained right. The Strong Willed Child will not be easily persuaded because of every little thing that comes their way. As a Christian it wouldn't hurt all of us to be a little more Strong in that area. Keep those prayers going up and you will survive!!!! God bless.
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I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me!!!! Sylvia

[Guest]

I think just staying firm in correction is very good. I know many people who think continual spankings will eventually get through to them but that is not in every case. You have to handle all children differently. There are many strong willed children out there (and I know a few myself ) but you are not seeing how they feel inside. One day, maybe sooner than you think, they will see the hurt and aggravation they are causing their parents and will start showing a little better attitude. Most of all never stop showing them affection and love...as that is what they need most! Good luck and remember the scripture.....this too shall pass....

[Oma]

think that is the name of the book (see post subject above) but I am not sure. I did not use it (came out after my strong willed one was grown) But I have friends who say it is fabulous.

I can tell you from taking care of my (her father's daughter ) granddaughter that 4 seems to be an age that they go through this. I can tell you how I dealt with it (and I had her a lot at this time)

Rule #1 PRAY!
Rule # 2 YOU are the parent. If you say NO then it is no. Yes this may mean that you will miss out on some things now. (For example, having to cancel something because you told her that if she did such and such she wouldn't be able to do................) But in the long run she will see that you mean what you say.

Also, when I was in Children's Ministry at my old Church home we had a discipline tool..........I'll see if I can find it. It was called "Discipline to God's word." In other words don't tell them not to do something because "I told you so" But show them where God says not to do something and what the consequences were (obviously 4 year old can't understand Theological Theory, but there is usually a way to explain it even to a 4 year old. After all Jesus said that we must become like little children.........and I wish this were the place to share ALL Of the times my own surprise me with what they "Get")

When my daughter-in-law left my son and started living with another man my granddaugher went through a VERY rebellious stage (go figure! )

As much as I loved her I frequently DREADED her weekly visits. (we usually took her for the weekend) But I love her so of course she came. But my resolve was that she would NOT run my home. We had some pretty rough weekends but ultimately she came through it.

I wouldn't consider this REAL advice but more "this is what I did" I think every parent does. It just depends on how you approach it on whether you get through with all of your hair.

I am fairly sure you are a GREAT Mummy!
Remember, one of the enemy's goals is to destroy families. Don't let this drive a wedge between you and your DH. And be creative! AND DONT forget Rule # 1 PRAY, PRAY, PRAY..........and when you're done......well pray some more. I'm right there with you.

Every time I think of my own son I send up prayers for families and parents everywhere.
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ysiHn&l;
Deb

[guest]

Thanks to all of you who have offered advice. It really helps to know that i am not the only one going through this. I know God has a great plan for her. She loves the Lord with all of her little heart. She's 4 and prays about everything, and she really is a social butterfly. Everyone loves her dearly but for some reason me and her but heads. I think it's because we are so much alike. Since she was a baby she has suffered with asthma and I have never seen such a small child have faith of healing like she does and she really understands that God wants her to obey her parents. Today, is the first time in awhile that she has really tried all day to obey me. She even has asked me several times. Mommy am I obeying you. So, please continue to pray for me that I make it through this season. I can't wait to see hoe God uses her.

[Oma]

WOW That is FANTASIC! Praise her Praise her Praise her...........children really do want to make their Parents happy.

I'll keep praying for you and her!
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ysiHn&l;
Deb