www.creativeladiesministry.com

[Bramblerose]

My husband's mother (age 75) is at that stage where we are not quite sure how long she will be able to live alone. She has been widowed a little over a year, showing signs of forgetfulness, confusion, etc. The hard part is she doesn't see she has any problems -- while using a pan that was put back in the cabinet unwashed and that kind of thing. We live a couple of thousand miles away, but we did just set up something with having a lady come in and clean and take her to the store, etc., and that will tide us over for a while. But the day is coming when she won't be able to live alone. It looks like, if she does need to move, amongst all the family members, she would likely come to live near us. We feel it best that she have her own place rather than actually live with us, so we are checking into apartments and assisted living places, etc., just getting ideas about what's available.

One of my main problems sounds really selfish....and it is. My oldest child is in college, the youngest in elementary school (and one in-between in high school), and though I have treasured the role of "Mom" for nearly 20 years (and that role is certainly not over), I have just begun to feel in the last few years that I could branch out and do some other things I believe the Lord has given me a heart for without it being detrimental to the time involved with being a wife and mom. I guess I am afraid that if my mother-in-law comes here, with me being the primary person to do for her and take her places, I will have to give up some of those other ministries. I know it is all in the Lord's hands, and it is just as pleasing to Him to minister to one person in this way as it is to minister to the missionaries or the ladies at church. She has ministered to others her whole life and deserves to be ministered unto now. But I am just struggling with my own feelings and wants. I'm resting on what one Bible college professor used to say: "Good feelings follow right actions."

Anyway...just wondering if anyone else was dealing with this type of situation.

[Oma]

Bramblerose

I have not yet experienced this first hand. Though I did observe my Mom and Dad with challenges when my Grandmother went to live with them.

Oma, (go figure ) lived in an appartment that was attached to my parent's house. She stayed there until my father died. After that it was too hard for mom (She worked full time) so Oma went to a nursing home.

I'm afraid I don't have any suggestions.

I'll be praying for you though
_________________
ysiHn&l;
Deb

[Bramblerose]

I'm just bumping this back up to the top -- I'm thinking, with so many new subscribers, maybe someone will have something to share.

I hope my first post on this subject above didn't sound too...awful. I know of folks who are quite glad to welcome parents or parents-in-law to their homes. I do love my m-i-l. But I'm just trying to be honest -- it will be a life-changing event for us if she comes, whether she lives in our home or an assisted living place or whatever. I'm feeling a little like what Julia described in her testimony (https://www.creativeladiesministry.com/sparrows.html) Though not quite to that place of depression, I am feeling a little like my whole world is about to be impacted. I know God will give grace when it is needed. not when I am sitting here thinking about it. So I am trusting in that.

I think one aspect is that we have never lived close to either of our families, so all visits have been on vacation. Trying to incorporate having a family member come to live with or near you would, I think, be similar to some of the changes that having a new baby brings into the home.

Plus it will be awkward to deal with problems when she disagrees. For the most part she is pretty amiable, but when she disagrees with something we think she needs to do, she just digs in her heels. For instance, the kind of thing I am talking about is this: she rarely, if ever, locks her door. She just grew up that way and has lived in the same neighborhood for years and thinks no one will ever bother her. We told her of news stories in which robbers said they came in when they found an unlocked door, of news stories of robberies or murders in which people said they never thought anything like that would happen in their neighborhoods, etc. She said if anyone did come in, she kept a hammer by the door that she could hit them with. As if a 75-yr-old woman couldn't be overpowered.

So, anyway, I'd be interested to hear from anyone else about moving a parent in with you or near you or into an assisted living facility or nursing home -- how you made the decisions, difficulties encountered, blessings that came of it, etc.

[KatyL]

Hi Bramblerose. Let me begin by giving you a great big hug to your heart. I know too well exactly what you are going through. My sweet Mom lives with me. She is 80 years old and was diagnosed with Alzheimers almost 2 years ago. My older sisters refused to believe it till she recently had a stroke and it advanced it. They put her in an instution and I sprung her outta there as quickly as I could She is almost totally bed ridden now, except for her potty chair. She walks with a walker and I use a companion wheel chair to take her to the Dr. I will keep her home as long as I possibly can or till she goes home to be with Jesus.

I want to encourage you to continue to be honest with your feelings. You have been called to minister to your family and you will indeed be called to sacrifice. It was really tough at first. We just worked through each issue, one at a time as they arose.

I think it's different for everyone. I cried alot at first, but then when she had her stoke and I came so close to losing her, I asked God for more time with her. I suppose it is different with your own mom though. I'm not sure I would feel this way with my MIL but I pray I would. It's easy for other people to say what they would do or how they would act

The awsome thing is that His mercies are new every morning. If He has called you...He has equipped you. You will find a strength you never knew you had. You will go out with joy and be led forth with His peace that passes all understanding each time a situation arrises....and they will. That's where grace and Mercy comes in. He will give you grace for the moment and mercy to love and bear the trials that come. Try to look at it as an appointed ministry from the Lord...a blessing. Your perspective will dictate your heart and the way you react to many things. Choose your battles carefully. I try not to let the little mountains become BIG mountains. Only through His strength though...ONLY thorugh His strength

[Bramblerose]

Thank you, Katy. That was exactly what I needed, especially the last paragraph.