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[Rhonda]

I'm a relatively new pw (1 yr.). My husband pastors a small church in rural TN (we had 53 yesterday). So here's my question---
We love our little church--the people are wonderful--everyone has been so loving to us & our children. BUT there is one woman that is driving me crazy!! She has only been coming a few months with her 2 children (her unsaved husband doesn't come with her.) The problem is she always has questions for me (examples: "How do you discipline your children?" "How do you know at what age it's ok to let your children stay home alone?" "What do you think about gay people?" "How do you know if it's the Lord's will to quit your job?") These are all good questions but not all in one 10 min. time period!! I'm beginning to dread seeing her come.
She's a friendly woman but a little loud and brash. Last night after church kind of did it for me & I've been stewing over it. After church she so boldly told my husband he was wrong about something (it wasn't a big deal--the cost of youth retreat). Then she laughed and said, "Don't you hate being wrong? That's just like a man!" She probably meant it to be funny but I thought it was crude. She has alot of problems (unsaved husband, unsaved mother with health problems, brother in prison, doesn't like her job, etc, etc,) I do want to be a good pastor's wife and minister to her (I have given her scripture & articles from James Dobson on disciplining your children). I think part of my problem may be the personality difference--I'm quiet & reserved most of the time. My wise husband reminded me last night, "There will always be someone like her in every church." I do pray for her and will continue to. I know I need prayer for wisdom because I don't want to do or say anything that would hinder my husband's ministry. I don't want to hinder her walk either--I realize she needs growth.
I would like some input from more experienced pws---do I attempt to answer ALL her questions? Could it just be a personality difference?
I realize this may sound juvenile but it's becoming a problem for me.

Thanks,
IN HIM <><
Rhonda

[BarbaraJean]

Hi Rhonda,
No, that is not an juvenile question. It's a very honest problem.

First, may I suggest that your husband ask her that if at any time she has a problem with him she should ask to speak to him in private. It sounds like she just needs a little training in church courtesy. It really is something that should be addressed because if her disrespect continues it will spread. It's amazing how the rest of the church will learn to treat your husband in the same manner in time. It will be much easier to address it now while it is just one person than to try to deal with it later when it has become a bigger problem.

Is there a lady in your church that you could refer her to - somebody with whom she might "click"? Is there somebody else that could be a mentor to her? Perhaps this lady could answer her questions as well as teach her how to handle situations like the one you mentioned with your husband discreetly.

If that is not an option, you could suggest her to set up an appointment with you and your husband to give her some advice. You may need to set up more than one appointment. I would just tell her honestly that you feel you can't give her adequate answers when you are busy trying to greet everybody. If she is honestly seeking Godly counsel from you then she will appreciate this. But if she is simply trying to monopolize your time and attention then she will certainly take offense and you will need to be prepared for that.
_________________
God Is Good All The Time. . .
Barb

[jodi]

Barb took the words right out of my mouth. The Bible does tell the older women to teach the younger. Hopefully, there is another women older (either in age or Christian walk) than this lady that can be a mentor.
And definately explain to this lady that you will be happy to answer questions, but not when you are busy with other duties. These types of questions can certainly be handled in a one on one counseling type session. I have found that sometimes God sends these people along our ministry as much for our benefit as for theirs. God has sent some very interesting people along my way and in dealing with them I have learned some interesting things about myself.

Pray for the Lord to give you love for this women and guidance in how to deal with her. And by the way, I tell my husband the same thing - this type of person will be in your life whereever you go.

God Bless You.
_________________
Jodi
Jer 32:27 Behold, I [am] the LORD, the God of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for me?

[Guest]

I have found the people are all alike they just have different names.

Try inviting her out to lunch or over to your house and invite an older mentor type person spoken of in the previous notes and then she can ask her questions in the presence of both and let God work from there.

Too many things not handle in private like someone mentioned earlier.
But be careful of that woman/pastor privacy thing too. I've seen many a pastor ruined from talk because of no witnesses.

You got good advice from the earlier notes. I hope this helps to.

[Guest]

I have found the people are all alike they just have different names.

Try inviting her out to lunch or over to your house and invite an older mentor type person spoken of in the previous notes and then she can ask her questions in the presence of both and let God work from there.

Too many things not handle in private like someone mentioned earlier.
But be careful of that woman/pastor privacy thing too. I've seen many a pastor ruined from talk because of no witnesses.

You got good advice from the earlier notes. I hope this helps to.

[Rhonda]

Thank you for your kind responses
We agree with you--it's not wise for the pastor to counsel alone with a woman. My husband is very careful in this area. Even in the church parking lot after church, I try to always be near by. This woman did ask to counsel with us once. It went in several different directions then too.
I've heard this lady & her family are in the habit of "church hopping". Yet someone that has this history needs so much spiritual growth. I do desire your prayers in ministering to her.

Thanks again,
IN HIM <><,

Rhonda

[BarbaraJean]

Rhonda, can you give us an update? How are things going?
_________________
God Is Good All The Time. . .
Barb