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[Gina]

I have been blessed so much by this message board. My heart has been touched to hear other pastor's wives going through what I am going through. I am a pastor's wife of 8 years. I have 6 children.

We have several families that have stopped coming to Sunday School because they feel the family should not be split up. They don't come to any evening services because of family time. The kids aren't even allowed to go and talk to friends after church. I was devastated. There is a wall between us. My heart is being torn apart. I know satan is using this as a tool of discourgement instead of focusing on the King of Kings, Lord of Lords.

Any words of advice?

[guest]

We have a few families like this in our church. They sit together as a family in church and the kids don't go to childrens church during the am service. But everyone accepts it because that is just the way they are. They are godly families. They just feel that the family should be together for worship.
Have you tried having a family game night or a family meal night. Something where the family can still be together and still have fellowship. You mention they won't let their kids talk to anyone either. Maybe if the meeting was on a different day than Sunday the kids would be able to mingle. Some parents feel that on Sunday, the day of worship there should be no socialization. My uncle and aunt were that way.
But on the other side of the spectrum... maybe they feel there are no kids there who are good examples. They may not trust their own children, fear that they may be influenced by other kids. Whatever their reasoning it is hard for those around them. But don't block them out. No matter the occasion always make a personal invite to them.
Have you ever asked them why they choose to be this way?

[guest]

We have a few families like this in our church. They sit together as a family in church and the kids don't go to childrens church during the am service. But everyone accepts it because that is just the way they are. They are godly families. They just feel that the family should be together for worship.
Have you tried having a family game night or a family meal night. Something where the family can still be together and still have fellowship. You mention they won't let their kids talk to anyone either. Maybe if the meeting was on a different day than Sunday the kids would be able to mingle. Some parents feel that on Sunday, the day of worship there should be no socialization. My uncle and aunt were that way.
But on the other side of the spectrum... maybe they feel there are no kids there who are good examples. They may not trust their own children, fear that they may be influenced by other kids. Whatever their reasoning it is hard for those around them. But don't block them out. No matter the occasion always make a personal invite to them.
Have you ever asked them why they choose to be this way?

[guest]

We have a few families like this in our church. They sit together as a family in church and the kids don't go to childrens church during the am service. But everyone accepts it because that is just the way they are. They are godly families. They just feel that the family should be together for worship.
Have you tried having a family game night or a family meal night. Something where the family can still be together and still have fellowship. You mention they won't let their kids talk to anyone either. Maybe if the meeting was on a different day than Sunday the kids would be able to mingle. Some parents feel that on Sunday, the day of worship there should be no socialization. My uncle and aunt were that way.
But on the other side of the spectrum... maybe they feel there are no kids there who are good examples. They may not trust their own children, fear that they may be influenced by other kids. Whatever their reasoning it is hard for those around them. But don't block them out. No matter the occasion always make a personal invite to them.
Have you ever asked them why they choose to be this way?

[guest]

We have a few families like this in our church. They sit together as a family in church and the kids don't go to childrens church during the am service. But everyone accepts it because that is just the way they are. They are godly families. They just feel that the family should be together for worship.
Have you tried having a family game night or a family meal night. Something where the family can still be together and still have fellowship. You mention they won't let their kids talk to anyone either. Maybe if the meeting was on a different day than Sunday the kids would be able to mingle. Some parents feel that on Sunday, the day of worship there should be no socialization. My uncle and aunt were that way.
But on the other side of the spectrum... maybe they feel there are no kids there who are good examples. They may not trust their own children, fear that they may be influenced by other kids. Whatever their reasoning it is hard for those around them. But don't block them out. No matter the occasion always make a personal invite to them.
Have you ever asked them why they choose to be this way?

[guest]

We have a few families like this in our church. They sit together as a family in church and the kids don't go to childrens church during the am service. But everyone accepts it because that is just the way they are. They are godly families. They just feel that the family should be together for worship.
Have you tried having a family game night or a family meal night. Something where the family can still be together and still have fellowship. You mention they won't let their kids talk to anyone either. Maybe if the meeting was on a different day than Sunday the kids would be able to mingle. Some parents feel that on Sunday, the day of worship there should be no socialization. My uncle and aunt were that way.
But on the other side of the spectrum... maybe they feel there are no kids there who are good examples. They may not trust their own children, fear that they may be influenced by other kids. Whatever their reasoning it is hard for those around them. But don't block them out. No matter the occasion always make a personal invite to them.
Have you ever asked them why they choose to be this way?

[Bramblerose]

I first became aware of this kind of thing in home-school publications. Nothing against home-schooling -- we did it for four years but never felt it was the "only" way someone could educate their children and be right with God. But it was in some of those publications that I first read that some people had problems with church programs and activities being age-segregated. And I got to thiinking there may be some truth to that. So many young people seem to flounder after they get out of high school and I have wondered if it has anything to do with being part of a "group" -- juniors then youth group, etc. -- then when that group scatters they don't feel like they belong any more or don't know what to do with themselves. Even though they do belong to "the group" at large, the congregation, they've never much interacted within the congregation at large. I knew of one lady who said her church put all the kids, all ages, in a group together on Wed. nights and they learned Scripture passages to hand motions (even got to do some of those at the capital). She said one unforeseen advatnage was that it reduced clique-ishness -- the older kids, instead of thinking the younger kids were a bother, would help them and interact with them.

I said all of that not to say I think separate age-related classes are wrong, but I think there are some good points to consider. But mainly went into all of that to show the thinking of some of these folks and to say that these families may have come from a strong background like that or may have been reading material like this. But it seems they are taking it too far.

It is hard to balance "church" and "family" sometimes (I am not a pastor's wife, by the way, but am the ladies ministry coordinator -- and have been in church for years ). At one church we went to, the pastor was very protective of families, and especially at holiday time would not schedule things on Christmas Eve and such (unless it just happened to fall on a Wed. or Sun.) so families could do things together. At our present church, the pastor deliberately schedules things on holidays or holiday-eves, and, I have to admit, I chafe under that. Our December church and Christian school calendar is sooooo full that I am exhausted and depressed just thinking about it.

But some families go way the opposite direction and exalt the family above the church, based on the fact that the family was created before the church.

I don't know how to counteract it except with some good teaching about the church. The former pastor I mentioned above preached an excellent message at a home school conference from Eph. 3:10: "To the intent that now unto the principalities and powers in heavenly places might be known by the church the manifold wisdom of God." He described some of the creatures "in heavenly places," like the ones in Ezekiel, then explained that, as this verse says, part of "the manifold wisdom of God" is shown by the church to those inhabitants of the heavenlies. He then described some of the functions and ministries of the church and encourages the home schoolers there that, as home schooling in itself in somewhat of a drawing away, that they take care not to draw away from the church -- this was all done in a gentle, encouraging way, not in a scolding, finger-wagging way.

I guess the first step would be to talk to some of these folks a little more in depth to see where they are coming from and then seek God's wisdom about the best way to handle it from there.

Forgive my rambling. Let me see now if this will post....

[Bramblerose]

I first became aware of this kind of thing in home-school publications. Nothing against home-schooling -- we did it for four years but never felt it was the "only" way someone could educate their children and be right with God. But it was in some of those publications that I first read that some people had problems with church programs and activities being age-segregated. And I got to thiinking there may be some truth to that. So many young people seem to flounder after they get out of high school and I have wondered if it has anything to do with being part of a "group" -- juniors then youth group, etc. -- then when that group scatters they don't feel like they belong any more or don't know what to do with themselves. Even though they do belong to "the group" at large, the congregation, they've never much interacted within the congregation at large. I knew of one lady who said her church put all the kids, all ages, in a group together on Wed. nights and they learned Scripture passages to hand motions (even got to do some of those at the capital). She said one unforeseen advatnage was that it reduced clique-ishness -- the older kids, instead of thinking the younger kids were a bother, would help them and interact with them.

I said all of that not to say I think separate age-related classes are wrong, but I think there are some good points to consider. But mainly went into all of that to show the thinking of some of these folks and to say that these families may have come from a strong background like that or may have been reading material like this. But it seems they are taking it too far.

It is hard to balance "church" and "family" sometimes (I am not a pastor's wife, by the way, but am the ladies ministry coordinator -- and have been in church for years ). At one church we went to, the pastor was very protective of families, and especially at holiday time would not schedule things on Christmas Eve and such (unless it just happened to fall on a Wed. or Sun.) so families could do things together. At our present church, the pastor deliberately schedules things on holidays or holiday-eves, and, I have to admit, I chafe under that. Our December church and Christian school calendar is sooooo full that I am exhausted and depressed just thinking about it.

But some families go way the opposite direction and exalt the family above the church, based on the fact that the family was created before the church.

I don't know how to counteract it except with some good teaching about the church. The former pastor I mentioned above preached an excellent message at a home school conference from Eph. 3:10: "To the intent that now unto the principalities and powers in heavenly places might be known by the church the manifold wisdom of God." He described some of the creatures "in heavenly places," like the ones in Ezekiel, then explained that, as this verse says, part of "the manifold wisdom of God" is shown by the church to those inhabitants of the heavenlies. He then described some of the functions and ministries of the church and encourages the home schoolers there that, as home schooling in itself in somewhat of a drawing away, that they take care not to draw away from the church -- this was all done in a gentle, encouraging way, not in a scolding, finger-wagging way.

I guess the first step would be to talk to some of these folks a little more in depth to see where they are coming from and then seek God's wisdom about the best way to handle it from there.

Forgive my rambling. Let me see now if this will post....

[Guest]

I have never heard of this. I don't really understand why they would not let them go to Sunday School. They need to get along with their peers.
Is there a reason I am missing? I am not a big fan of homeschoooling because of this - non interaction with peers, but I do believe in some cases it is appropriate. I just have never really understood the segregation of it all. But I have never heard of it in the church.